


Memories of Us

by TornBetweenYouAndMe



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 00:29:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16862839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TornBetweenYouAndMe/pseuds/TornBetweenYouAndMe
Summary: Some things just don't change, especially feelings.





	Memories of Us

I feel the rush of excitement as the black clouds sprawl across the sky. I glance up and see the first crack of lightning. It seems to snap the air as if splitting the heavens into half. Soon, it began drizzling. I stood there frozen for a moment, letting small drops of water to wet my skin. While others hate the rain, I, on the other hand love it. I always have.

There is something about the pouring rain that stop my mind from bumbling. It soothes me. And it gives me indescribable sense of tranquility while silently hoping that I drown in it cause I was done drowning in my own thoughts.

Wishing it could wash away all my miseries.

The steady droplets of water against the pavement sounded like a melancholic song and a dancing feet, reminding me of Jongin and his exemplary skills in dancing. I shook my head for I don't want to take a trip down memory lane. I just want to be okay and opening old wounds absolutely won't work.

I smiled superficially at myself and pulled the hood of my jacket over my head. I saunter towards a small coffee shop which has an extension of the roof outside to seek shelter from the crying clouds. As I reach it, I stood there and stared at the beauty of the rain that glimmered neon caused by the streetlights.

My gaze burning into horizon and my mind was lost in thoughts when I heard someone's footsteps beside me. He moves in a haste, maybe like me, he seeks for cover from the crazy chaotic drops and guzzling wind of the rainy night.

I paid no heed to the person instead I extend my arm tried to catch drops of salty water in my palms.

Jongin would often scold me every time I did it but ceased me not and joined me instead. He would whisked it to me, I would always get back at him until we're both drenched.

"Some things just don't change, eh. " 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I went rigid as the person's voice was a familiar melody in my ear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

No.  
It can't be.

It can't be him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I tilt my head at a snail pace to look at the person, hoping against hope it wasn't him. But fate always has its way to mess things up for me and plays a joke as cruel as it can be. 

There stood Jongin.

My hands started to shake. I felt like my blood was leaving my body and my heart beats rapidly, so fast that my breathing couldn't catch up. I was utterly blown away. The pitter-patter of the rain was hushed, the moment his deep eyes sets mine.

For a split second, things were static.

Everything just magically disappeared, there was only Jongin and me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My mind told me to run away but my feet stood still. Perhaps, it knows it was time to face the music and dance along with it for it was long over due. This might be the chance to meet the me I was forced to become after him - after us.

After we went our separate ways two years ago, I always made sure to look my best just in case I ran into him. Deep down, I know it was futile but I couldn't give up just yet. I stupidly thought that wearing the right outfit and having a good hair day would bring him back to me. But life had this foible habit of not letting things to happen the way you wanted it and time wore me out.

Yes, I got tired but the feeling was kept somewhere in my heart.

He smiled, it broke the ice. I smiled back. 

He looked better than I remember. He wore a black long sleeves folded into three-fourths and trousers with a silver chain bracelet on his wrist - his flawless sun kissed skin magnified. His eyes dark and brooding laden with both intensity and gentleness. His blonde hair tousled with finesse and I remember running my fingers on it. His distinct cheekbones and perfectly defined jaw made him look devilishly handsome.

He was unarguably good-looking alright and it didn't help that he was more than meets the eye. His soul was beautiful - it was what made me drawn to him after all.

There was this strange awkwardness that floats between us -it wasn't a surprise though considering how we open ended our relationship.

"It looks like it won't stop anytime soon. " looking somewhere, he broke the silence referring to the rain. "Let's go get some coffee? "

I trailed his gaze and inwardly agreed.

I put my shaking hands in the pocket of my pullover. I just couldn't let him see it, especially if he had got on with his life like this.

I couldn't help but envy him. I envy him for he could casually face me with ease. He was able to move on, unlike me, still stuck in the past.

Unable to articulate a word, I nodded. He motioned me to follow him as he entered the coffee shop.

I bob my head down to hide my face while I stride behind him. It was like a the good old times.We often went café hunting and hopping because he was a coffee aficionado and I have a sweet tooth. He drank his coffee while he watched me enjoy whatever desserts they have in the shop. Our time were spent with laughter and fun as we talk about our day, dreams, our future plans and whatnot.

He sat down on the table and maybe out of a habit, he scooted further to make space for me beside him. I stared at the empty space for a few moment before I settled myself across him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We are together yet this time it was different. We weren't holding hands, no more laughter, no more loving gazes at each other and no more playful foot under the table.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because he was no longer mine and I was no longer his.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I didn't know if my eyes played a trick on me but when I looked at him there was sadness flickered in his dark eyes it was so sudden that if you weren't paying attention, you wouldn't notice.

"Do you still not drink coffee at night? " he queried, tone weary but cheerful.

He remembered, it sent a warm feeling inside me. I dislike drinking coffee at night because I would surely have a hard time getting a shuteye.

He would often naughtily joke that he could keep me busy so I need not to worry. I usually ended up smacking his head and him kissing and cuddling me.

He had no qualm with public display of affection. He would touch me whenever he wanted to and learned to kiss me in public places after making sure that the coast was clear.

I nodded again as I don't trust myself to speak without stuttering. I was still trying to recover from the shock of seeing him. I was okay or so I thought.

You will be fine. 

I kept reminding myself. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He ordered me a hot chocolate and a slice of chocolate cake and coffee for himself. He is still a coffeeholic, I remember him drinking it day and night.

"Still into coffee huh? " I finally managed to get myself together. If he was able to put the past behind, I believe I can too.

"Old habits die hard, but I limit it to a cup or two a day now. " he replied shortly.

"Why? "

Our conversation halted when the waitress arrived and placed our orders on the table and left.

We were left with a pregnant silence. I fixed my eyes on the hot chocolate as if it was the most fascinating thing I've seen in my life.

"Kyungsoo, " I looked up to him. I feel like it was a preamble of something I wasn't ready to face yet.

"Hmm? " cackling dryly, I asked him. God, I was glad I didn't squeak.

The corner of his lips curved up and his eyes were bright, "How are you? "

"Still handsome, how about you? "

He looked at me intently, "Which part are you handsome again? " there was humor in his tone.

"All parts, " I rode along.

"I disagree, " voice low, he looked at me intently. "you're beautiful."

I wished he wouldn't do that.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I pursed my lips to keep myself from smiling. "Are you still nocturnal? "

Finally, I got to see him grin so wide. "Yeah, you look thin. You still don't eat your meals on time? "

It was one of the petty quarrels we'd had.

"I do, I'm just naturally sexy. " I goaded.

"You know thin and sexy are two different things, right? "

"You know being an insomniac and nocturnal are two different things, right? " I didn't know if it made sense but I wanted to get back at him.

"Smart ass, " he hissed.

We both chuckled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As we sat across each other, I couldn't help but notice everything about him -each and every detail of him. He had gotten his hair longer than usual and dyed. He dressed formally contrary to his casual self.

There was a strange moment where I noticed his chin was quivering. Boy, was he just as nervous as me? Do I dare hope?

But I was struck out of my delusion as fast as a lightning when my gaze landed on his slim, delicate fingers. It felt like something crumpled my heart while I stare at the silver wedding ring.

He covered it with his hand when he noticed I was looking at it and pulled it, placing it on his lap.

I kept my cool despite my gut rumbling inside.

Knowing he has moved on was one thing but knowing he was married was an entirely different one. Even after we screwed things up I was convinced or I had hoped as long as he wasn't committed yet, we'd still eventually end up together. We were perfect for each other. Words were never needed to fathom each other. Our eyes could talk always but I think fate has something else in store for us. My shot at him just died right before my eyes, that tiny hope I've been clinging all these years faded away. I didn't know it hurts more than I could possibly imagine.

Was I really that forgettable?

The pain was beyond words. It weakened me, my hands shook profusely but I have to hold it together.

I was devastated inside but I had to keep a strong face. I took a deep breath and displayed my widest and fakest smile. 

Why can't it be the two of us? "I'm happy for you. " I said instead. 

His face said it all but no words came out.

"How about you? " still stuck in our memories, I wanted to say but my ego won't let me.

"Very well, " I shortly answered. I was fine losing everything, I have lost them all anyway but pride. It was all I got to keep me going.

He tight-lipped smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We somehow managed to talk about general things - how he was doing, what brought him here since I knew he moved away, him relocating to the US for work next month and how excited he was about it. 

We both started to dissolve into laughter, like we used to as our conversation went on. I didn't know how much I was still so into him until that moment, that watching him laughing and smiling could still bring an immeasurable amount of joy. His eyes could still melt my heart and it could still pierce deep inside me. For a moment, I didn't have the need to put up a facade because with him everything was just natural.

I wanted to ask about who he was with but I couldn't find the courage to. We both ignore the elephant in the room.

Suddenly, we stopped laughing and things got a little intense for few moments. 

"Kyungsoo, have you.. " he paused and stared at me raptly. "ever thought of me these past years? "

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I felt a huge lump in my throat preventing me to answer. 

Our eyes bore into each other and it said it all. I could sense that it was difficult for the both of us to sit there without holding hands. I could feel that we still both have those memories locked somewhere in our hearts.

I could discern something strange and every time my heart seemed to stop beating when I look at his wedding ring, constantly reminding me that it's time to bid goodbye.

So I gathered all my strength to let it out. I have no more strength to smile, I was at my wit's end.

I pretended to look at my watch. "Jongin, I think I need to go."

I could sense that he wanted me to stay and God knows how much I wanted to do that but I couldn't act anymore. There's no sense prolonging the inevitable.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Outside, we both stood. We looked at each other, I was surprised when he open his arms for a hug and I was more surprised at myself when I stepped forward to embrace him.

His hug reminded me of our memories together. It kept on gushing back that the hug went longer than normal.

Both did not want to let go, for we knew it would be the last. 

It is the last.

"Should we break out of the hug? " I reluctantly asked.

Instead of ending it, he rested his head at the crook of my neck. "It can go on for as long as we want. " he whispered, holding me tighter.

I looked up to keep my tears from falling. I knew he was holding back his as well.

We finally broke it, I never felt so empty. "Goodbye, Jongin." I bit my tongue inside to keep me from breaking down.

"Goodbye, Kyungsoo."  
We both turned the opposite directions and with a heavy steps, we slowly walked away from each other. 

 

 

 

I wanted to look back.

 

 

 

I wanted to see him until he disappears in my eyes. 

 

 

 

 

I wanted to see his retreating back for the last time.

 

 

 

 

I wanted to say goodbye one more time but then again if I could have my way I'd never say goodbye. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because this time, I knew we'll never say hello again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it if you made it this far.


End file.
